Wanted: dead or alive for fashion crimes! (Warning; looking at this man might mentally traumatise young children, and make kittens spontaneously explode).
The only reason I want to rip off the clothes of the bishies in Angelique is to BURN THEM. While they’re at it they can have a good haircut. I can hear the bishie screams now! *Grins with glee*. I like reverse harems, I really enjoyed Haruka 8, but Angelique offends my need for at least moderately stylish hot males. So no, this is not a plot summary, this is a list of what has to go for me to like these guys. I can but dream. I’ve compared them up in their pairings given at the end of the show so I can see whether the old series or new series Bishie has the least atrocious wardrobe.
Original Blonde Bishie: Cut your hair, blond hair on a male past your shoulders is just wrong, and whoever told you a huge great blue crystal smack in the middle your forehead looked good and brought out the blue in your eyes was LYING. Lose the gold plates and the blue and the high collar, you’re just wrong, oh so wrong!
New Blonde Bishie: Yay a haircut! Wipe that complacent grin off your face so you don’t look like you have your head up your own ass. Your entire outfit is ridiculous, the metal shoulder-pads, the wide collar, the big yellow cape. EUGH. Lose the necklace and the belt.
Bishie verdict: New Blonde Bishie scrapes a win.
Dark and Mysterious Bishie
Original Dark and Mysterious Bishie (left): Ok long straight black hair is hot, but what are the purple crystals doing on your forehead and round your shoulders – they have to go, so does that big blue cloak and broach!
New Dark and Mysterious Bishie: Clearly a small ranch of snow lemmings died to give you those hideous shoulders. *Cries*. Wide purple collar and wide frilly sleeves?! All of it has to go.
Bishie Verdict: Original Dark and Mysterious Bishie wins!
Original Boyish Bishie: hair is a little messy but ok, horrible high collar and pink-winged shirt, jewelry and white edges to shirt, all horrid. You are a boring character design!
New Boyish Bishie: Horrible hair, when you turn sideways it looks like a horny, scrawny dove is trying to mount a hedgehog. Lose the jewelry and waistcoat. In fact, your entire costume is ridiculous!
Bishie Verdict: Original Boyish Bishie wins, less ridiculous!
Original Feminine Bishie: Get a hair cut! The whole pale robe thing with pale hair is not so cool either, you look like a priest = not hot.
New Feminine Bishie: You are actually a girl, no seriously, ditch the jewelry especially the ear rings.
Bishie Verdict: New Feminine Bishie wins by a whisker.
Original Suave Bishie: nooo get rind of all dangly ear rings, the black polo neck was gay enough, but the white tunic, blue cape and shoulder pads that surely prevent you from walking through doors straight?
New Suave Bishie: Everything about your uniform is wrong, especially the purple shoulder-pad that looks like a granny’s foot rest. Cut the hair too, lose the emo side parting, and put the dog down! Molesting animals with your fashion is not hot! Your cravat thing looks like a bib,*rips off*.
Bishie verdict: Original Suave Bishie wins!
Innocent Girly Bishie
Original Innocent girly Bishie: you look silly with big purple eyes and a matching crystal, so the massive fringe and weird long hair isn’t helping! Quit looking so pathetic and helpless!
New Innocent Girly Bishie: your hair/face actually looks ok to me *shock* I think you ended up in this series by accident after failing an audition for Marginal Prince. I like the navy arm warmers, but the turquoise/white tunic mix is a no-no.
Bishie Verdict: New Innocent Girly Bishie wins easily!
New Glasses Bishie (left): Get some contacts or some glasses that don’t make you look like a dork and get rid of that ‘thing’ hanging down your forehead. A suit with one colour without frill would be better than what you’ve got on but it’s not too bad.
Glasses Shades Bishie: Did your mother never tell you how to wear shades properly?! Grow up, and while you’re at it, ditch the tunic, use less gel in your hair and what’s that thing round your neck?!
Bishie Verdict: New Glasses Bishie wins (he’d actually look cool with shades)
Sexually/Species Confused Bishie
Original Sexually Confused Bishie: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. You are so wrong, shave off all your hair immediately wash the lipstick and eyeliner off your face, and your clothes, must be shredded into little pieces by a pack of rabid wild hamsters, and the headband, you shall be strangled with that headband, @[email protected] Some guys look good in make-up and girls’ clothes, like Eddie Izzard – executive transvestite, you on the other hand are weirdo transvestite, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. You hurt my eyes! Worst character design I have EVER seen.
New Species Confused Bishie: you look marginally attractive, like a little lost kitten. The third eye crystal looks a bit silly though, and to pull off those ears you need either all short hair or all long hair not the weird in-betweeny thing you’re going for. Accentuating the ears with the weird shoulder mantle is also a bad move, but at least I don’t want to run away every time I see you on the screen.
Bishie Verdict: New Species Confused Bishie wins by far!
Original Thoughtful Bishie: get rid of the hat! Why did I decide to blog about this show at all? I’m losing the will to live. Ken doll versions of these are going to come after me in my dreams, I’ve been having weird nightmares every night for the last week as it is, oh well, better bishie horror than daleks and nuclear bombs. ^^;
New Thoughtful Bishie: Touching your chin does not make you look more intelligent! Waving a
plastic sword around only looks cool if you’re not wearing silly gloves and you never EVER wear gold and silver at the same time it looks cheap. UGH.
Bishie Verdict: New Thoughful Bishie wins because the hat was soooo gay.
I could go on bitching about this… the fact that the female lead looks like her skirt is so stiff it’s wired. Even her bracelet/wand is like something tacky and ugly you thought was cool when you were 6 years old. The only thing I liked about this was the pretty mansion and the bit where her bracelet shines blue light into the sky. I wish the bishies were combustible, I’d quite like a lemmings version where I can set all the Bishies to self destruct. *Oooh no! pop pop pop pop pop* The New bishies win over the old bishies only slightly at 5/9 (edit I got the glasses ones wrong so it’s now 6/9!) but who cares I’m never going to watch this ever again. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Overall Enjoyment Level: 0.5/10